It's not a miscarriage - it is a baby.

Why "at least you were pregnant," and "I'm sorry for your miscarriage," just don't cut it.

Our baby was real and lived.  Although our child didn't experience life outside of the womb and lived a short life in the womb, our little one was still a life that mattered. When a person says, "at least you were pregnant," they are neglecting recognition that a death has taken place.  This is similar to the person who responds by saying, "you need to get over your desire to have a baby."  Neither recognize that someone died.  "I'm sorry for your miscarriage," can also carry a similar weight.  In our society "miscarriage" seems to minimize the loss, discounting the value of the life that lived and has now passed.  Can we just say, "I'm sorry for your loss."  Or, "tell me about your baby."  Or, "tell me about your pregnancy."  We didn't have a miscarriage, we had a baby who died.  I'm a mother, except my babies are in heaven.  

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