It's not a miscarriage - it is a baby.

Why "at least you were pregnant," and "I'm sorry for your miscarriage," just don't cut it.

Our baby was real and lived.  Although our child didn't experience life outside of the womb and lived a short life in the womb, our little one was still a life that mattered. When a person says, "at least you were pregnant," they are neglecting recognition that a death has taken place.  This is similar to the person who responds by saying, "you need to get over your desire to have a baby."  Neither recognize that someone died.  "I'm sorry for your miscarriage," can also carry a similar weight.  In our society "miscarriage" seems to minimize the loss, discounting the value of the life that lived and has now passed.  Can we just say, "I'm sorry for your loss."  Or, "tell me about your baby."  Or, "tell me about your pregnancy."  We didn't have a miscarriage, we had a baby who died.  I…

If... then...

"There are 361 references* to the wording, 'If…' in the Bible. The Bible is not only a way of life and the Word of our Lord Jesus Christ, but the Bible is a book of decisions.  'I will do this… if you do this…'  'I will bless you if you….'Even Jesus did not do well in certain places and he moved on and did well in other places. If you follow the decisions God has made for you, then you are going to come out right. But if you don’t follow the decisions God has made for you, then you will encounter turmoil.It is important for us to find ways to turn around and say, 'oops, I went left, but I should have gone right.'" - Daniel Reed, Hope Builders *The exact number of references has not been verified.

#covfefe defined

I'm pretty sure our President meant "C'est la vie" when he tweeted "Despite the negative press covfefe."  See, it would read, "Despite the negative press  Such is life."

Infertility - Out-of-Body Emotional Experience

Sometimes infertility feels like an out-of-body experience.  It is like you are looking at yourself experiencing feelings and hormone changes and saying, "that is not me." Sometimes it seems like other people see emotions in you that you really aren't experiencing and then when you do experience that emotion it surprises you unexpectedly. It is out-of-body, because you say to yourself, "I am not really experiencing this."  At times it seems as others experience your pain more than you do and the pain you really do experience no one else understands.  It is like certain emotions are imposed upon you while other emotions that are real are left unacknowledged. 

We lost our baby and now people express care that is long overdue.  We've been grieving this baby the last five plus years, it just has now become tangible.  It now is real for them in a way it has been real for us all along.

There are some close friends who get it and have been incredibly supportive …

Modesty - Skin or What's "In"?

Modesty.  This morning as I was getting dressed I was reminded of how contentious the idea of modesty could be at the conservative Christian school I attended as an undergraduate.  It was the young women's responsibility to dress in a way that wouldn't "tease" the young men.  The women were held responsible for protecting the men's morality.  I remember reflecting on this as a student and wondering if the same rules would apply if the school were located in a southern state instead of the cold, wintry north.  I also thought it might be better for us women to desensitize the men from skin so they weren't turned on so easily!

Recently, I've encountered two other reactions to modesty that were different from my college experience. In one, a group of immigrants from a very warm climate of the world were complaining that the public school's dress code regarding modesty was too strict.  One father explained that the clothing his daughter wore was perfectly…

Unplanned pregnancy? Considering abortion?

To the woman considering an abortion,
I’m sorry that you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. I can’t imagine the fear or the troubling circumstances you must be facing.But before you choose to abort, please take a moment to consider what a miracle it is that you are even pregnant!
To conceive a child requires perfect timing.Even when trying to become pregnant, there is only a 20% chance each month we will be successful.Add to that the fact that intercourse must take place in the optimal time frame of the month. Yes, when we ovulate, our pheromones, or the animal scent that attracts us one to another, is at its prime. As is the cervical mucus to carry the sperm to reach the egg. And so perhaps we are more likely to have intercourse when we are most fertile.But that still doesn’t mean that a healthy sperm will reach a healthy egg, that the two will meet, and that the blastocyst (embryo) that is formed will implant into the uterine wall.Statistically it is incredible any of us ever become p…

Who is God?

We don't get to define God.  God gets to define us.  See Psalm 78 & Matthew 13