Unplanned pregnancy? Considering abortion?
To the woman considering an abortion,
I’m sorry that you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. I can’t imagine the fear or the troubling circumstances you must be facing. But before you choose to abort, please take a moment to consider what a miracle it is that you are even pregnant!
To conceive a child requires perfect timing. Even when trying to become pregnant, there is only a 20% chance each month we will be successful. Add to that the fact that intercourse must take place in the optimal time frame of the month. Yes, when we ovulate, our pheromones, or the animal scent that attracts us one to another, is at its prime. As is the cervical mucus to carry the sperm to reach the egg. And so perhaps we are more likely to have intercourse when we are most fertile. But that still doesn’t mean that a healthy sperm will reach a healthy egg, that the two will meet, and that the blastocyst (embryo) that is formed will implant into the uterine wall. Statistically it is incredible any of us ever become pregnant.
I don’t know how your pregnancy came to be. Perhaps it was through an intentional relationship or perhaps it was through a predator. But a positive pregnancy test is becoming more and more rare. Statistics very between saying 1 in 6 or one in eight people who come together are unable to conceive and carry a child to term. We aren’t as fertile as we think. And this isn’t just an age thing. Young people in their teens and twenties are facing diagnosis of infertility as well. And the number of people, of all ages, who can’t have children is increasing.
I know the word “miracle” sounds like a pleasant thing and you understandably don’t consider your circumstances “miraculous,” perhaps the opposite. I’m sorry that you must face a decision about what to do with this pregnancy. I haven’t been in your shoes, I’ve been in other shoes, which I’ll tell you about later, but I know you must be struggling. But, I also want you to know that even though the circumstances of your pregnancy hurt your soul, the baby you carry is still a statistical miracle.
See, I wear the shoes of desiring to have a child and being unable to do so. I have cried and grieved and my soul has ached to become a mother. This is a place of suffering too. I wouldn’t want anyone else to carry this burden. I’ve heard from women who have both suffered through infertility and faced cancer, that infertility was more difficult. Research shows that infertility can cause post-traumatic stress disorder and on stress scales it can be worse than divorce. My burden isn’t the same as yours, but there is a connective tissue to it. We are both struggling because of our uterus and what it can or cannot carry. We both have struggled with the meaning of sex and its ties to reproduction. We are sisters in a unique sisterhood and we need to support each other.
I want you to know that if you carry your baby to term, someone will love it. That the suffering you will face over the next month to ten months will be worth it. During that time, you may discover that you want to raise the child yourself or you may find a person or a couple who you believe will do a wonderful job raising this child. On the other end of things, the waiting list to adopt a baby is long! I can tell you there is a list of parents who are waiting with hearts full of love and arms open to welcome your child into their home. They have been waiting years!
And if you choose to carry this baby, I encourage you to care for it while it is in your womb. Instead of being angry at it for circumstances it didn’t choose either, partner with it and use your passion as creative energy to care for its development. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Eat well, and if you can’t afford to eat well ask for help with your groceries and cooking. There are a lot of organizations that are willing to come alongside you and help you through this. Make it your mission to give this child a good life. Love your future by being able to look back and know that you played a role in making this world a better place by nourishing and caring for the life that is within you.
Again, I haven’t walked in your shoes, but I know the pain of womanhood. We can work together, women like myself and women like you to make tomorrow a better day than today. Please consider carrying this pregnancy to term. No matter what you choose to do – you are precious and you are loved!