Sandra Bullock is lucky!

The Washington Post printed an article about Sandra Bullock's recent adoption of a daughter and commented how refreshing it was that she told her son they would be lucky to adopt.  This article reveals a judgmental perspective against those who adopt.  It assumes that those who adopt feel like they are "rescuing" an orphan and don't understand the child's grief or difficulty in adjusting.  This assumption neglects to recognize the fears related to becoming a parent of an adoptive child, or the adjustment that the parents also have to make. Adoption is a difficult process from both directions.  It is a major change that takes time.  There are a lot of decisions and risks that are taken to create a new family.  It isn't just celebration, although celebration is a part of it.  Suppose it could be compared to the mix of emotions couples go through in the months before conceiving and giving birth and then the adjustments that are made during those first several weeks and months of the child's life outside of the womb.  People don't "just adopt," it is a process with many nuances and stages.  Unfortunately the infertile are often judged in the process, whereas their infertility should be considered an advantage, because they have a better understanding of what it means to create a family in a manner that may be different than what was first desired. They understand to some small degree the idea of familial loss and will be able to relate with their adoptive child's grief over the loss of their biological family. The infertile feel lucky to be chosen or accepted by the child and feel the same vulnerability before the social workers and outsiders who play a role in their becoming a family. In regards to transracial adoptions, both the parent and child have to figure out how to relate to the differences of skin, race, and how the world views them as a family. Yes, the parent is the adult in the situation - but we all are on a lifelong learning curve and the fact that the parent is learning alongside the child, may just be to the child's advantage.

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