"No, but we are blessed also."
"Do you have any children?"
"No, but we are blessed."
Maria Gocke, director of Adoption Services at Illini Christian Ministries and the wife of a pastor has written an excellent article for Relevant on being a childless woman in the church. She writes of her conclusion that God is sensitive to the plight of the barren and even in fact has historically chosen them to be a part of God's big plan of salvation.
This article reminded me of how Hannah and Rachel, matriarchs of the biblical faith, were blessed to have husband's who adored them. They were blessed to be a part of the story.
There comes a point in the infertility journey that what separates the barren from the biologically fruitful isn't the lack of children, but the acceptance that no one really knows how babies come to be. Every child is seen as a miracle. The infertile no longer asks, "how," because she knows it doesn't really matter. Each person's "how" is different and for some the "how" may not even be explainable scientifically, it just is.
See, it just is that some are able to get pregnant and some are not. It just is that some remain childless and some go on to be surprised by pregnancy and a live birth. It just is that some choose to adopt and others find that path not clearly paved for them. It just is.
It isn't that one is more blessed than another. It is just that each are differently blessed. It is a blessing to have children, but it is also a different kind of blessing to not have children. Both have their rewards and their troubles. It doesn't mean that one is more fit to become a parent. One really can't rationalize the whys, ifs, and buts. Life just is. Life is a miracle from God. And it is a miracle and a blessing for each one of us to exist. It is a miracle to be alive whether you are barren or not.
The "how?" no longer needs to be answered. The conception story no longer needs to be analyzed to figure out "why?" It is instead just an acceptance that some have children and some do not. This is a fact of life. It is not a judgment or a reward on the one or the other. It just is.