The Responsibility of Infertility


I've completed my work on this infertility journey.  I've:

  • been open to the various possibilities for becoming a parent
  • worked through my past hurts and pains, as well as my future fears
  • believed fully that God can create life despite the obstacles
  • sought the best medical advice and care
  • advocated on behalf of other women and men
  • found ways to minister to others
  • participated in a support group and met with a professional counselor
  • helped other clergy and people to become aware of the crisis of infertility
  • relaxed and taken a break from caring
  • experienced the various stages of grief
  • accepted and considered what life could be like childless
I am not giving up in making this statement.  I just feel that I am done doing the work on my end of things.  Now it's just the continued waiting game. Doesn't mean my heart won't hurt, tears won't occasionally flow, or that I won't relive stages of grief from time-to-time.  It doesn't mean that I won't take steps forward.  It doesn't mean that I have given up. It just means there is nothing left on the list of "if you do this, then..." for me to do.  

This societal imposed list upon the infertile comes from a poor worldview, because the reality is that the initiation of life is a gift from God.  It is not based upon us or anything that we do. That is why both people who will be good parents and people who will be poor parents become mothers and fathers.  It rains and the sun shines on both.  The idea that sickness and illness is only for the unrighteous or for someone who needs to learn a lesson sadly permeates our society.  We are all biologically broken people - fertility or infertility says nothing about our soul's condition.

That is the misnomer in our society - we believe that we are the source of life.  We can biologically explain how in an intimate or medical act the sperm and egg come together and a new life is born.  But the reality is, that maybe only 20% of every intentional intimate or medical reproductive act results in a pregnancy.  We like to think that we have 100% control.  We like to play God!  

But we are not God!  Life is so precious and every single life has a purpose.

When the time is right, we will raise a child.  I don't have a particular desire to be pregnant, but I know in the depth of my heart that I am designed to raise a child.  It is in my nature and it is a large part of who I am. How it will come to be, I don't know.  But, I am not responsible for making it happen.  I am only responsible for being open to life and that child or those children when the time comes.  And isn't that the only thing we are all responsible for - being open to God and the life that God brings?

Choose life!

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