Infertility's Thwarted Passion


How does an artist create art when her wrist is injured?  How does a doctor care for a patient when she is unable to hear? How does a husband love his wife when his efforts are met with frustration?  These are questions that were posed on the episode of "Switched At Birth" that I watched this evening.  What does one do when one's passion is thwarted by a disability?

I have a deep, deep love in my heart for a child who is not yet in our home. What am I to do with this energy?  How am I to find the way around this inability to reproduce?  Is it through medical science?  Will it be a turning of my husband's heart toward adoption?  Will it be for the time being creating the home that I would like to raise a child in and preparing for that much awaited day?

Some would say that energy could be spent outside of my home.  But I don't think they understand this heart of mine.  I really want to snuggle up with my little girl or little boy on the couch in our living room and read a book.  I want to get in a flour fight with my ten year old as we are making cookies in the kitchen.  I want to talk about sex and our changing bodies with my preteen.  I want to see my husband and son doing yard work together.

I sit in my home and I listen to the bouncing of a basketball on pavement as the boys next door play a game with friends.  I hear the delighted laughter of a little girl as she swings on her swing set.   I see the little boy having the tantrum at the mailbox and his mother looking at the passing car with embarrassment. A little boy with a Batman cape goes running through my backyard with a sparkler.

Whenever I clean my house it feels empty. A mess makes it seem more full of life.

And yet I have a wonderful marriage.  But my husband would make an incredible father and seeing that increases the desire to share parenthood with him.

So, what does one do when one's passion is thwarted by a disability?  One finds another way.  But sometimes it takes awhile to find the other way that works best for you.

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