PCOS: "Earning Fertility"

One of the things I am realizing about the fertility struggle in Christian circles is that there is a lot of focus on "getting right" with God.  Underlying this notion is the idea that one can "earn" her fertility or the idea that God is "waiting" until the person learns some important lesson or draws nearer to God.  I first heard it when a friend shared how if her husband just got closer with God, then they would become parents.  Then I read a book written for Christians struggling with fertility and the overall mood was that this time of infertility has the purpose of drawing us closer to God.  But this logic doesn't work for three reasons:

1. Not everyone who has kids has a close relationship with God!  People everywhere have children and they are not all believers.  There are many very strong, devout Christians who have not been blessed to become parents.  The evidence doesn't support this logic.

2. Much of the time, this isn't how God works!  God is a God of grace.  He pours out his blessings on both the righteous and the unrighteous.  We don't earn his favor, but are given it. We are worthy based upon who He is, not based upon who we are.  Yes, there are extra blessings that come upon those who follow Him, but those blessings are the fruit of the presence of His Spirit within us.  They are the blessings that help us to thrive through our struggle with fertility.*  They are the blessings that remind us that He is right here with us!

3. God likes to give good gifts to His children.  God works all things together for the good of those who love Him!

A few would say that infertility has its source in sin.  On a corporate level this may be true.  There are hormones that have been poured into our water supply.  We have contaminated our environment in many ways that it then contaminates us back.  On an individual level a few may have done things to harm his or her own body. But, that doesn't mean any of this is beyond God's redeeming. And God doesn't hold our sin against us forever!  When we are forgiven we are truly forgiven!  Yes there are natural consequences, but God can work miracles beyond these!

I know a woman who was afraid that due to her abortion God would never bless her with a child.  God has blessed her with a very fruitful womb after many years of struggle.  Nothing is beyond God's redemption.

Those of us who struggle with our fertility have many questions for God.  One of which is "Will I ever become a mother/father?" and the second, "If so, how?"  But these are not questions for our friends and the helpful acquaintance to answer.  They are questions that God will answer in His own subtle way through people and situations that don't even know they are speaking on God's behalf.   At least for me, this is how I will know it is God's subtle, quiet, and very loving voice speaking into the area of our deepest pain.

The important thing to remember in this struggle is to draw close to God for the sake of drawing close to God.  It is so tempting to go running away from Him and to hold the Creator of life responsible for your anguish.  We know that no life is an accident and each life is a gift from God!  So it is easy to pull away, but instead draw close and draw strength from your Creator!  He knows you intimately and knows what you are going through! And remember, many of our biblical and historical Christian heros struggled with an inability to get pregnant.  You are not alone!

*I chose to use the word "fertility" instead of "infertility" because "infertility" feels like a negative pronouncement, while "fertility" envelopes hope.  And the struggle is with the desire to be fertile.


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