Infertility or Fertility - Finding Peace with PCOS

Recently I've come to a place of peace related to my diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  For so long I've not known what to pray.  As a person of faith that has probably been the most difficult aspect - what should I say to God in regard to this diagnosis.  About a week ago, I found the answer.  I let go and released my desire to be a mother to God, recognizing that He may or may not fulfill that desire.  And now I have peace, whether I became a mother or not. I love how Paul and Timothy write in Philippians 4:11-13:
"I am not saying this because I am in need,
for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need,
and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry,
whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do all this
through him who gives me strength."
Before I was praying, "Lord, I trust your perfect timing in making me a mother."  And now I pray, "Lord, I release this desire to be a mom to you.  Whether you answer it in making me a biological, adoptive, or spiritual mother, I trust it into your hands. I release it now."

Acceptance or contentment is a much better place to be than in trying to discern whether or not I should hold on to hope... which is where I was.

Hope if fruitless is quite despairing.  It isn't fair to ask someone who has been given an infertility diagnosis to have hope, when that hope isn't based upon a promise that is guaranteed to be fulfilled.  There is a part of me that thinks I heard God say that I would become a mother when I was thirty-two. There is another part of me that thinks that was my denial and wishful thinking.  If this was a message from God, than the hope won't disappoint.  But, if it was my trying to encourage myself, than I might be basing hope on an illusion.  Christian hope is confident hope. It is an expectation to actually receive what is expected and to then actually receive it.  In the Bible, hope is built upon promises of God regarding the future.

Isaiah 54:1 reads:
"'Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,' 
says the LORD."
I can hope in becoming a spiritual mother, because that is something God has promised to me. If I remain connected to God, I will bear spiritual fruit.  In John 15:5, Jesus instructs us, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." God has called me to be an evangelist and has given me a vision that includes spiritual children.  So, I can hope in that.


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