"I Love You" is not enough
There are moments in life when you realize how much you really care for someone and often those moments occur when you think you've lost or nearly lost that person. Tonight I had such a moment.
I was talking on my cell phone while working on my laptop in my room. My boyfriend was on the other end, talking through an earpiece, while he drove home from work. We were nearing the end of our conversation. You know that time when a couple just hangs out on the phone, not saying much, but avoiding the "good-bye" or "I'll talk to you later."
***CRASH***
Pause. You realize that the phone is silent. You say your loved one's name. Silence. Then you become conciously aware enough to internally verbalize what you just heard - "that was the sound of a car accident." You begin to say your loved one's name over and over and over again. Just hoping for a reply, hoping that your imagining things. "Maybe he lost his signal" you think. Yet you know, you did hear a crash. And then there is ruffled movement, maybe a crumbling noise. And you beg the person to respond. At the same time you think "He's going to think I'm crazy if this is just a bad signal and he can hear me and I can't hear him and I am freaking out on this side of the phone." Then "No he won't, 'cause he loves me, he'll understand." Then you call his name again. And again. And then you start wondering what you can do to help. You realize that you aren't quite helpless, because there are things you can do, you can keep talking and you can pray for him and pray aloud so that he might hear you. If his body is laying crushed and trapped in a car, you can keep talking, keep letting him hear the sound of your voice. Pray out loud. Comfort him. Call on the Lord to protect him, to send His angels, to give him safety and security, to be present with him, to give him comfort and strength. And as you pray, you recognize to God that you really have no clue what is going on, so you ask God to recognize your helplessness in not knowing what is going on at the other end of the phone. Then you think about what that prayer might sound like to your loved one, but you don't care, you just hold out. You ask him questions. Then the phone call ends.
Dial 9-1-1. "Hi! I was talking to my boyfriend on his cell phone. He was driving. I heard a crash. Can you help me?"
"Do you know where he is?"
"Somewhere between _____ and _____. He said he just entered the city of ______."
"Here, I'll connect you with that city directly."
"Hello."
"Hi!" You tell the woman on the phone why you are calling. "Can't you like find his GPS or something? Aren't cell phones set up to do that sort of thing?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. We can't do that. Excuse me, I'm getting another call." She hangs up.
You sit there and look at your housemate whose phone you are using to make the calls, because you want to keep your line open. You dial his number again. Voicemail. That isn't the voice I wanted to hear.
You hang up. The phone rings. It is him! "I'm fine."
"You are okay?"
"I'm fine. I've got to deal with this." hang up
You turn to your friend and your body melts into her shoulders and you sob. Relief pours fourth from your body and you cannot control it. Your body moves up and down and you just release your stress.
Hours later you see each other again. You wait no moment to embrace him in your arms and you never want to let go. Never. You just keep hugging him and hugging him. But then you want to see his face. And you look in his eyes and you say "I'm so glad to see you."
It is in moments like those that you realize the words "I love you" can not capture the depth of feeling you share for a person. "I love you" can not express enough how much you care. "I love you" is just not enough.
And then you praise God!
I was talking on my cell phone while working on my laptop in my room. My boyfriend was on the other end, talking through an earpiece, while he drove home from work. We were nearing the end of our conversation. You know that time when a couple just hangs out on the phone, not saying much, but avoiding the "good-bye" or "I'll talk to you later."
***CRASH***
Pause. You realize that the phone is silent. You say your loved one's name. Silence. Then you become conciously aware enough to internally verbalize what you just heard - "that was the sound of a car accident." You begin to say your loved one's name over and over and over again. Just hoping for a reply, hoping that your imagining things. "Maybe he lost his signal" you think. Yet you know, you did hear a crash. And then there is ruffled movement, maybe a crumbling noise. And you beg the person to respond. At the same time you think "He's going to think I'm crazy if this is just a bad signal and he can hear me and I can't hear him and I am freaking out on this side of the phone." Then "No he won't, 'cause he loves me, he'll understand." Then you call his name again. And again. And then you start wondering what you can do to help. You realize that you aren't quite helpless, because there are things you can do, you can keep talking and you can pray for him and pray aloud so that he might hear you. If his body is laying crushed and trapped in a car, you can keep talking, keep letting him hear the sound of your voice. Pray out loud. Comfort him. Call on the Lord to protect him, to send His angels, to give him safety and security, to be present with him, to give him comfort and strength. And as you pray, you recognize to God that you really have no clue what is going on, so you ask God to recognize your helplessness in not knowing what is going on at the other end of the phone. Then you think about what that prayer might sound like to your loved one, but you don't care, you just hold out. You ask him questions. Then the phone call ends.
Dial 9-1-1. "Hi! I was talking to my boyfriend on his cell phone. He was driving. I heard a crash. Can you help me?"
"Do you know where he is?"
"Somewhere between _____ and _____. He said he just entered the city of ______."
"Here, I'll connect you with that city directly."
"Hello."
"Hi!" You tell the woman on the phone why you are calling. "Can't you like find his GPS or something? Aren't cell phones set up to do that sort of thing?"
"I'm sorry ma'am. We can't do that. Excuse me, I'm getting another call." She hangs up.
You sit there and look at your housemate whose phone you are using to make the calls, because you want to keep your line open. You dial his number again. Voicemail. That isn't the voice I wanted to hear.
You hang up. The phone rings. It is him! "I'm fine."
"You are okay?"
"I'm fine. I've got to deal with this." hang up
You turn to your friend and your body melts into her shoulders and you sob. Relief pours fourth from your body and you cannot control it. Your body moves up and down and you just release your stress.
Hours later you see each other again. You wait no moment to embrace him in your arms and you never want to let go. Never. You just keep hugging him and hugging him. But then you want to see his face. And you look in his eyes and you say "I'm so glad to see you."
It is in moments like those that you realize the words "I love you" can not capture the depth of feeling you share for a person. "I love you" can not express enough how much you care. "I love you" is just not enough.
And then you praise God!
Comments