The Path Less Taken - The Other Path Less Taken

I've been trying to figure out why my heart has felt torn since I made the decision about a year ago to leave the ministry that I helped start in 2004. To put it simply, I really don't want to leave. This ministry is my passion and my heart. But, I realize that I don't have the same resiliency as some missionaries do. I need the support of my family and of the office that oversees the ministry in a manner that is deeper than permission to run with the ministry.

I guess I am tired of all of the negative feedback I receive from the one's I love. I don't like to see how the sacrifices that I make in order to do the ministry affect them. I wonder if I had my own home and was able to at least support myself financially if I would still feel the same way. Would these changes make it so that they could focus more on the good of the ministry rather than the ways it has changed who they expect me to be?

I am also worn out from the fight. Putting my reputation and identity on the line to help the ministry move forward. I need a break of some sort, although I'm not sure of what that break will be.

Maybe, perhaps that is my struggle with moving forward to this "next stage" in my life, which is returning to my original life plans and goals. I was on a path that appeared "successful" to my peers and mentors, and I stepped off that path to do something that doesn't necessarily fit in with the world's understanding of "success" or with what the "world" thinks an overachieving person like myself should do.

I have changed and I am not sure how the experiences and worldview shifts I have had over the past 7 years will affect me as I move back into the path I once traveled. Yes, I do believe that God has called me to return to that old path and He does have some blessings planned for me in that way, I just have never before traveled that path with these traveling clothes.

I don't know what lurks ahead, I just hope that I am not afraid to accept the blessings and the riches that God has in store for me. Will I be able to receive the blessings of this change, without feeling guilty for leaving behind a life that does not include the same type of blessings?

The physical imagery that God gave me a year ago, showed how for the past few years my job has been to begin creating a path where there was none. But now, He is giving me permission to return to the paved path and my journey will take me to a castle. What will that castle be? I'm not quite sure. But, I have asked that in my future I will have the opportunity to glimpse the beautiful well-dressed meadow complete with a multi-roomed home that will exist at the end of the path He allowed me to start treading.

Thank you God that you have not forgotten me and that you will not forget Your children here. Please don't let me forget what I have learned, but please also don't let what I have learned interfere with the plans you have for me in life, but rather let them enhance my future and make me a better Christian. Thank you God for your many blessings, your love, your strength, and for allowing me to be a part of something wonderful!

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