Weaknesses and Faults

Over the past year and a half or so, I have had moments where I have been overwhelmed by my weaknesses and faults. These times stand in stark contrast to the moments of pride and over-inflated ego that I had when I was in high school. I've decided to list some of these weaknesses and faults. I've found that at times to write things down makes them less overwhelming and helps my thoughts to become more organized and for me to regain clarity. (please keep in mind while reading these, that I have high expectations for myself, so what I define as laziness, for example, someone else might call "normal.")

1. Today, I've been overwhelmed by my laziness when it comes to physical labor.

2. I make too many friendships too easily at too great of depth to maintain them all. (Don't they often say that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness?)

3. When I get upset with someone I love, my being upset with that person makes me more upset with myself, which makes me look like I'm more upset with them than I am.

4. I appear to be an all-together person, so even when I think I'm giving cues that I am in need, people miss them and so instead of helping me, they become frustrated with me because they expect me to be all-together all the time and I have now let them down in some way or disappointed them.

5. I always sound like I know what I'm talking about even when I don't have a clue and admit that I don't have a clue.

6. Everyone says that I think too much. (Hence this post.)

7. I understand the importance of good stewardship, but sometimes I have trouble connecting good stewardship with the maintenance of property, even though they are connected. The reason for this, is that I am much more focused on the spiritual realm and so the physical realm does not seem that important and is less of a priority. I forget that it is important for the physical realm to be maintained so that it does not interfere with the ministry and the good fruit of the spiritual realm. It is for this reason that I decide to take care of my health - my body is God's temple, after all ;)

8. At times I can be a perfectionist.

9. I want to be right, so I make the effort to get to know a lot so that I can be right. I hate to be wrong, but I'm okay with admitting I'm wrong - because to admit I'm wrong is the right thing to do. Again, I hate to be wrong, because that means I didn't make the effort to do the research to be right.

10. I value my family, yet I don't spend enough time with them doing the things they enjoy.

11. I have a sweet tooth and if I eat too many sweets, my eyes itch and I am a bit lethargic. I know that sugar is supposed to energize you, but it wipes me out.

12. I do my best work between 10pm and 2am if I am allowed to sleep until 8am. A great job for me would allow me to sleep from 2:30am to 8:30am. Maybe that is why I'm in youth ministry.

13. I like thinking that I'm smart. It is a challenge for me to follow the leadership of someone who does not make wise decisions.

14. I sin. Like it or not: I sin.

15. I developed spiritually a lot faster than I developed socially and physically. I understand my spiritual existence much more than my human existence and I struggle with recognizing when my humanity is okay and when it is not. In other words, I ask, What of the flesh is just of the flesh and what is sin?

16. I have high expectations for myself.

17. I am content with what I accomplish in a day and believe that I accomplish what God has for me to accomplish. My days are very full. I am honest and trustworthy. I don't have much patience for people who don't trust me and that it is the biggest way to get under my skin. I know that I'm trustworthy so I have trouble interacting with people who don't trust me, because I don't understand why they don't trust me, especially if I trust them.

18. I have boundaries. This can be both a good and a bad thing.

19. I don't always "get" pop culture. I often feel like I am an alien. Yes, a youth minister who doesn't get pop culture - I suppose that is why I fit in well with alternative thinking kids.

20. Sometimes I have so much going on in my head that I have trouble finding the right word or choice of words to articulate what I mean.

21. I can be depressed at times. I don't like to admit that, but there have been a few times that I have hit what has felt like rock bottom for no apparent reason.

22. I just see the world differently then other people. I don't get what it means to be human. (Is there a theme appearing here? Should I be concerned that I'm divulging this information in a public domain?)

23. My handwriting is terrible. It is painful for me to write at times, especially if my hands are cold. I did not choose to have bad writing. I love to type!

24. I am a law-abiding citizen. I am very obedient and respectful. Yet, I don't like human created rules that aren't based upon any underlying principles. Even if I don't like them, I still follow them.

25. I like large group and one-on-one settings, but I feel uncomfortable in small group settings.

26. I don't know how to handle negative sarcasm.

27. I was never the teen girl who enjoyed talking on the phone.

28. I have difficulty remembering names, but I can remember everything else about a person.

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