Living life with steps of faith

To the woman considering an abortion, I’m sorry that you are facing an unplanned pregnancy. I can’t imagine the fear or the troubling circumstances you must be facing.   But before you choose to abort, please take a moment to consider what a miracle it is that you are even pregnant! To conceive a child requires perfect timing.   Even when trying to become pregnant, there is only a 20% chance each month we will be successful.   Add to that the fact that intercourse must take place in the optimal time frame of the month. Yes, when we ovulate, our pheromones, or the animal scent that attracts us one to another, is at its prime.   As is the cervical mucus to carry the sperm to reach the egg. And so perhaps we are more likely to have intercourse when we are most fertile.   But that still doesn’t mean that a healthy sperm will reach a healthy egg, that the two will meet, and that the blastocyst (embryo) that is formed will implant into the uterine wall. ...

My new frustration is that I am blessed to be in relationship with a lot of needy kids, and yet I am limited in what I can do for them.  Between being a "parent" volunteer for Boy Scouts, coordinator for our church's kids ministry, and coach for a new girl's soccer team, there are many children in my life.  And my heart breaks for several of them.  I just want to take them home and raise them.  I see all the ways their parents are failing them (yes, this is overstated) and it breaks my heart.  I am restricted in how I am allowed to discipline them, because I'm not their parent.  I don't get to give them each the one-on-one care that they need, because I usually see them in a group setting and I don't have the "right" to provide that one-on-one care, nor the time to provide it for all forty of them. And if I were given that blessing to care for them "one-on-one" which of them would I choose to the neglect of the others? In infertility...

The Washington Post printed an article about Sandra Bullock's recent adoption of a daughter and commented how refreshing it was that she told her son they would be lucky to adopt.  This article reveals a judgmental perspective against those who adopt.  It assumes that those who adopt feel like they are "rescuing" an orphan and don't understand the child's grief or difficulty in adjusting.  This assumption neglects to recognize the fears related to becoming a parent of an adoptive child, or the adjustment that the parents also have to make. Adoption is a difficult process from both directions.  It is a major change that takes time.  There are a lot of decisions and risks that are taken to create a new family.  It isn't just celebration, although celebration is a part of it.  Suppose it could be compared to the mix of emotions couples go through in the months before conceiving and giving birth and then the adjustments that are made during those first ...

As evidenced by my recent blog posts, I've been pretty happy of late.  But this evening as I put my elementary age house guest to bed and said my final "good-night" I felt an incredible and unexpected let down.  I went to iron my clothes for Sunday worship and wondered why I all of a sudden felt a sadness and lack of motivation that had been missing over the past week and a half.  And then I realized why. For the last week and a half I have been looking forward to this guest's stay.  I've been looking forward to "playing" mom.  I've been looking forward to having a routine with meals at set times and being able to use my creative juices to be a good hostess for this child.  As I tucked her in unconsciously my soul recognized that this fictitious role would end tomorrow I could be content in my heart yesterday and today, but this isn't my reality.  The American Girl accessories are all put away.  The children's books will soon b...

One of the adoption agencies in our state gives potential adoptive parents the option of being listed in one of two notebooks.  The first book is for those who are open to any child, no matter the biological parents' race or the child's expected gender.  The second book is for those who are specific in regard to whether or not they want their child to be a certain gender or if they want the child to possibly look like their potential adoptive parents.  Two books - two options - two routes for adoption. In preparing for a small group Bible study at my church I came across a question that asked about the difference between God's covenant of grace with the Hebrews and God's covenant of grace in Christ Jesus.  As I read this question, it really struck me that these two covenants are very similar to the two notebooks in this adoption agency's office.  God's covenant with the Hebrew or Jewish people is quite similar to the second notebook, where adoptive paren...

As God completed his act of creating, he ceased and rested.  Completion of a task should find its fulfillment in "an end." As a woman going through infertility, I wonder when my work will be done and when it can come to an end.  Some say infertility is a continuous battle, and is a grief that never completely resolves.  Yet, through Resolve, the National Infertility Association, I have heard various stories of how different women and men found their struggle resolved.  Whether it be through adoption, birth, or advocacy, there is hope of a time in which the struggle will cease and we'll be able to once again rest. I wonder about that day and whether or not it will feel like a holy or sacred moment. Now, I know that this passage isn't speaking to infertility, but rather fertility.  "On the seventh day God finished the work that He had been doing, and He ceased/rested on the seventh day from all the work that He had done." In a like manner t...

The beginning of the story of the marriage of Jacob and Leah, captured in Genesis 29, is an interesting one.  I am not intending to write this as a seminary trained theologian, but rather as a person who is reflecting and de-tangling a biblical narrative. I find it interesting that Jacob uses his father's poor eyesight in order to gain his blessing.  Then his uncle uses Jacob's own poor "eyesight" to attain a blessing for his oldest daughter Leah.  I know there is debate about the meaning of the Hebrew adjective that describes Leah's sight, but what if it points to a form of blindness?  Wouldn't that be appropriate?  Jacob deceives his father taking advantage of his dad's difficulty in sight and as a result Jacob is deceived into marrying someone who has difficulty of sight?  And the purpose of both deceptions is to attain a blessing? And then this one sentence, stops me: "When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, he opened her womb, but Rachel w...

"Brothers and sisters, we don't want you to be unaware of the troubles that we went through in Asia.  We were weighed down with a load of suffering that was so far beyond our strength that we were afraid we might not survive.  It certainly seemed to us as if we had gotten the death penalty. This was so that we would have confidence in God, who raises the dead, instead of ourselves. God rescued us from a terrible death, and he will rescue us. We have set our hope on him that he will rescue us again since you are helping with your prayers for us. Then many people can thank God on our behalf for the gift that was given to us through the prayers of many people." - 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

Today as I was doing research on a passage from the gospel of John I came across this quote from Chrysostom that caught my attention. He writes, "Don't be amazed that I bring you to what is profitable for you by way of such sorrow, since even a mother, to become a mother, passes in a similar way through pain." (Homilies on the Gospel of John 79.1) I am not sure yet where our journey of infertility will lead us, but if it is to adoption, I will know that I did not miss out on the birth pains of pregnancy or delivery.  They just came to me in a different way. So if you are reading this and you are an adoptive mother - know that when women start sharing their delivery stories, you have one too!  You were in delivery for 5 years, 7 years, 10 years, 18 years (you know how long). Your contractions happened on a monthly basis, sometimes they were more painful than others.  You were never quite sure when you would finally give birth or whether or not the result would be a li...