Living life with steps of faith

The beginning of the story of the marriage of Jacob and Leah, captured in Genesis 29, is an interesting one.  I am not intending to write this as a seminary trained theologian, but rather as a person who is reflecting and de-tangling a biblical narrative. I find it interesting that Jacob uses his father's poor eyesight in order to gain his blessing.  Then his uncle uses Jacob's own poor "eyesight" to attain a blessing for his oldest daughter Leah.  I know there is debate about the meaning of the Hebrew adjective that describes Leah's sight, but what if it points to a form of blindness?  Wouldn't that be appropriate?  Jacob deceives his father taking advantage of his dad's difficulty in sight and as a result Jacob is deceived into marrying someone who has difficulty of sight?  And the purpose of both deceptions is to attain a blessing? And then this one sentence, stops me: "When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, he opened her womb, but Rachel w...

I went to the doctor today and he said, "Worse case scenario, it is _____."  I started thinking about that statement, "Worse case scenario" and began to fill the blank in with all of the possibilities my mind could come up with. After each I asked myself if that really would be the worse case scenario and with each I could see an opening for the grace of God.  What might be defined as a worse case scenario from a doctor's perspective, from a Christian's perspective might not be all that bad.  Actually, a doctor's worse case scenario might be a Christian's best case scenario.  And what I realized is that with Christ there is no worse case scenario because in every scenario God wins!

There is something uncomfortable about putting one's New Year's Resolution in writing for the public to see.  I guess it is that sense of accountability that comes from being open about something for which you expect to some degree to fail.  When we start a new year we are often passionate (or at least motivated) to make an adjustment in our life.  For the past several years I've been wanting to focus on "self-discipline" but have not been successful because I have defined that goal to broadly with too many expectations.  Once again this year, I'm going to try to make self-discipline my key word for the new year, except this year, I'm just going to take it one step at a time.  One mini-goal a month.  So this month, my first step will be to keep a regular sleep schedule.  I will be responsive to my body's needs.  Since I usually feel tired at 10:30 p.m., instead of denying my body and ignoring its plea, I will go to bed at around 10:30.  I wil...

So, I don't write poetry often, but observing the pattern of the week and the weather outside, I felt compelled to write. I feel the raindrops swelling on my eyes. I see the green waves flowing over high. I see the mountain breath crisping in the air. And I feel the drowned out cloud of despair. Yet I stand here Not yet alone. God's grace billows a soft blue tone. My heart quickens beat as the light does not retreat .... and the dish runs away with the spoon.... Okay, this is where I am stuck - on the very last line. how about and angelic whispers remind me of home. So.... I feel the raindrops swelling on my eyes. I see the green waves flowing over high. I see the mountain breath crisping in the air. And I feel the drowned out cloud of despair. Yet I stand here Not yet alone. God's grace billows a soft blue tone. My heart quickens beat as the light does not retreat. And angelic whispers remind me of home.

How do we hear you, O LORD, when no one is listening? Why do you speak so quietly when your voice is a Thunderous Roar? We don't take you seriously we expect your voice to remain silent and yet Your voice is so loud. You speak in the thunder and the lightening. You speak in the waterfalls and the lapping of waves. You are all around us. Your Voice beats out in nature, but we've been deceived so we no longer hear you there. Open our ears and our minds to hear you once again. Amen.

Prayer for a Neighbor's Salvation I pray that ________ will both hear and understand the gospel,   will both see and perceive it. Please soften ______'s heart so that they may see with their eyes,  hear with their ears,  and understand with their hearts. I pray that _____ turns toward you Christ,  so that you might heal them. Amen. (Matthew 13)

Holy ecstasy that is what I feel in Your Divine Presence Holy ecstasy I feel selfish in the joy I discover in Your presence Nothing can compete with this pleasure of honoring Your holy Name. When I put you first, my whole world changes, it improves faster than overnight. You must be jealous of this change in me.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; 
 I will be exalted among the nations, 
 I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10 Jesus just says the word and it is!  An officer in the Roman army approaches Jesus and tells him that one of his servants is sick.  The officer asks Jesus to heal the servant. Jesus says “Go” and the servant is healed.  Two people possessed by demons approach Jesus and Jesus says “Go!” and the demons depart and the people are healed. A leper approaches Jesus, Jesus responds, “Be made clean!” and we know what happens, the leper is healed.  A paralytic is brought to Jesus and Jesus says, “Your sins are forgiven… Stand up, take your bed, and go to your home” and the man stands up and walks. (See Matthew 8-9) Hmmm. Does this remind you of anyone else?  “Then God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light.”  “And God said, ’…  let the dry land appear. ‘ And it was so.” “And God said, ‘Let the earth bring forth living cre...

Yesterday, an Amber Alert was posted for one of my relatives. As a family we talked to his school, tried to contact as many friends as possible, explored the possibilities of where he might have gone. We were on a search, a search that felt helpless. And then my relative was found and we rejoiced! This morning during my devotional time I thought about what this meant theologically. I was struck with the number of passages that dealt with the lost object or person. I saw how this is a parable of our lives and a message regarding the Kingdom of Heaven. I considered how the search felt so foolish in our sense of being helpless, yet we searched nonetheless. What does it mean for the shepherd to leave the flock to go after the one wandering sheep? What are the risks of doing so? How does this make the shepherd vulnerable? Why does the one animal value so much? We were sitting around family Christmas when we learned the news. We are a very large family - one of us was missing. The Ch...

Tonight God taught me a very important lesson. Over the years when I have "let go, let God" I have handed over aspects of my life to God and said "here God, if you want to take it away, I trust you." But what I realize now is that this is an Old Covenant way of thinking. When Abraham took Isaac up the mountain to sacrifice him, he was ready for God to take Isaac away. But that is not what God did--instead God redeemed Isaac! God redeems! So, to "let go" and to "Let God" is to trust God in what we know to be God's character. God is a giver of life. God redeems. God brings fruit! So tonight I hand over with joy all aspects of my life and I hand over everything with a sense of giving out of my abundance, knowing that God receives this gift and will handle it in a manner that is truly good and life-giving! Tonight I "let go, Let God" knowing that God does and will redeem!

"Would he [God] be nailed to the cross for your sins and then disregard your prayers?" - Max Lucado, In the Grip of Grace I read this quote yesterday morning and it really struck me as something to think about.

"The fiestas of the poor are truly celebrations: the poor have a reason to celebrate. Hence their celebrations are joyful, free, and spontaneous, whereas the celebrations of the rich tend to be more of a tedious chore than a spontaneous joy. They appear to be having a good time while inwardly they are worrying about wearing the right outfit, saying the right things, doing the right things, mixing with the right persons, and impressing everyone aroudn withthe multiple masks that everyone puts on to impress the others. In effect, the celebrations of the 'dignitaries' of this world are anything but joyful. How could they be joyful when they are segregated and segregating, and potentially destructive of all who take part in them? Thus it is out of the celebrations of the poor, which will always be a scandal to the rich who are not capable of truly liberative celebrations, that God's universal and barrier-destroying love will erupt for all to experience and enjoy. Part...

Throughout my life I have heard many engagement stories which has caused me to wonder what mine would be like. Our engagement story is incredible! It testifies to what an amazing man God has brought into my life. Last week, my now fiance closed on his house. In order to celebrate we decided to pray a blessing over it. As we pulled into the driveway, we discovered that some unknown person had both mowed the yard and done some significant yard work! What a great surprise! We then walked into the house and tested out the electricity, which had just been turned on. We met back up in the living room to pray. My now fiance suggested that we kneel in prayer. So we knelt side-by-side. He then said that he wanted to make sure that I had the right perspective when we prayed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring and asked "May we pray for OUR house?" We then walked together through each room inviting God's blessing on it and our lives. Isn't that beautiful? ...

There are moments in life when you realize how much you really care for someone and often those moments occur when you think you've lost or nearly lost that person. Tonight I had such a moment. I was talking on my cell phone while working on my laptop in my room. My boyfriend was on the other end, talking through an earpiece, while he drove home from work. We were nearing the end of our conversation. You know that time when a couple just hangs out on the phone, not saying much, but avoiding the "good-bye" or "I'll talk to you later." ***CRASH*** Pause. You realize that the phone is silent. You say your loved one's name. Silence. Then you become conciously aware enough to internally verbalize what you just heard - "that was the sound of a car accident." You begin to say your loved one's name over and over and over again. Just hoping for a reply, hoping that your imagining things. "Maybe he lost his signal" you think. Ye...

My heart breaks when I am gathered with other Christians in worship. It breaks for those who are absent. More specifically it breaks for those who seem to be uninvited.

Today, while sitting in class, my hopes and dreams for seminary were renewed. As I listen to my classmates share about their first year MDiv experiences, I am reminded of the reasons I applied for Divinity School in the first place. Ahhhhh. What a sigh of relief to know that my hopes were not necessarily in vain. I am really enjoying spending time with my CPE classmates thus far and really respect my supervisor. I think I have a lot to learn from him, as well as my peers. I am looking forward to seeing what all God has in store for me this summer. I hope that it is a time of spiritual refreshing and nourishment. I also realized today some of the changes that have occurred to me this past year. I think the greatest was a shift from thinking that my life could end tomorrow and living every day as if it were my last to believing in and hoping for a lifetime of life and of the possibility of someday being a great-grandmother and dying of old age. That is a huge shift! The shift ha...

The lyrics to FFH's song "Ready to Fly" captured the hope that I have this morning for my upcoming move. I am ready to be me again. Ready to be confident and full of life! I'm ready to shine! I'm read to fly! I've been here grounded far too long I'm ready to see the open wide Ready to sing a different song I've seen my troubles 'long the way I want to sail towards the sun I want to turn another page I'm on my way I'm ready to fly, I'm ready to soar I'm ready to leave this world behind. I'm ready to open up the door I'm ready to fly, I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky I think it's time I'm ready to go I'm ready to fly. You've told me I could rise above Like an eagle on the wind I can glide upon Your love But I feel the pull of gravity And it's a weight upon my shoulders i can't stay here any longer I've gotta be free And it's been so long Since i've seen the bright morning sun ...

Please pray that God will send someone that will be my prayer partner - and that I will be able to recognize that person is who God sent!

It often seems that I accidentally find myself in the right places and once I realize where I am I then have to turn to God and ask, "How did I get here?" and "What plans do you have for me here?" It seems as though I have once again reached one of those places which means I will need to be more than usual on my knees in prayer seeking God's direction. This place reminds me much of my first night at a national pageant when I was asked by one of the pageant hosts what was my reason for being at the pageant, to which I was not able to give a reply. I remember going into my room and shutting the door and realizing where I was and the significance of it all and then I knelt at the bed before God and sought His answer to the question of "why?" Thus I am at that place again, door closed, the reality of the place I find myself in staring me in the face and the host's questions still etched in my head, "What is your reason for being here?"

Tonight as I was looking at my blank walls and freely talking with God, sharing both prayer intercessions and words of praise/thanksgiving, I reflect upon how freely and easily I approached Him and was unable to share openly and honestly. It wasn't that long ago, just a few weeks, that it seemed a burden to come before God and lay my requests, concerns, and thoughts down before Him, because there were just too many too express! Perhaps that is a mode of concern, a warning flag of when one has become too busy, to overwhelmed with the needs and cares of others, the blanket statements of "Lord, please reveal yourself in the life of the people associated with this organization," rather than specific prayers for specific people. When consenting to pray for someone leads to a prayer in that moment and a prayer in the evening asking God to bless whoever it was (name and identity of person long forgotten) that shared that they needed prayers for encouragement that day then per...